February 10, 2006
breaking the silence
The Chinese New Year holidays is over and the one (1) week mid semester break is just around the corner. all there holidays is more than enough to turn me into a DOTA-playing-vegetable.
since it’s been weeks since i’ve posted something and my mind is currently occupied with too-dull-and-mundane-to-blog thoughts so, i decided to pull out something funny (i think it’s funny, not sure about you) from the forum i visit most LYN.
Today, in Malaysia, there is no longer just the Chinese. Along the way,
the Chinese people divided beyond dialects and religious faith. We now
have denomination within the Chinese. The major three groups are
Regular, Cina, and Ah Beng.The Regular group is the minority, making up less than 20% of the Chinese people. This group has the following characteristics:
1. Speaks English as the first language.
2. Thinks the world owes them a living.
3. Uses the Internet more than the other two groups combined.
4. Loves the iPod and/or IKEA.
5. Watches one or more of the following TV series: "Sex And The City","Friends", or "CSI."
6.
Thinks that the Regular group is way larger than it is and makes fun of
the other groups, particularly the Ah Beng group. Why? Because it’s fun.Recent
studies have also shown that there is a growing splinter group within
the Regular group known as the CPWTTANC group. (CPWTTANC is short for
Chinese People Who Think They Are Not Chinese.) This growing subgroup
are considered elitist by some and are found making statements like "I
wish I were in the U.S." or "This never happened when I was studying in
Australia."They also tend to speak with an unidentifiable
accent. The women may also prefer to date white men from foreign
countries with the excuse that local men just "don’t understand me" and
have the secret desire to
be taken away to the U.S. to live in a sitcom.The
second Chinese group, Cina make up approximately 55% of the Chinese
community. (Cina is derived from the Malay word Cina which means
Chinese and is pronounced "chee-na". And you will have to say it in a
condescending tone for effect.)This group is considered
mainstream and contribute to the numbers that reflect development in
the country. They are the masses in context of the Chinese community.
In other words, if you want to sell something to the masses of Chinese
people, the Cina is it.The Cina are identified by the following traits:
1. Speaks Mandarin or Cantonese as the first language.
2. Generally quiet, self-effacing, and obliging but are actually shrewd and calculative.
3. Sees Taiwan as the place to be.
4. More likely to forward chain email to people in their address book.
5. Goes to Halo Café or Wow Wow Café BY CHOICE at least three times a year.
6. Has Astro hardwired to Wah Lai Toi.
7. Calls a music video an MTV instead of music video.
8. Knows all the dim sum dishes by name.
9. Seventy percent of lighting at home generated by fluorescent lights.The
last group are known as the Ah Bengs. This term was probably made up by
the Regulars in the early 80s during the cultural invasion that saw the
mass import of music and movies from countries like Hong Kong, Taiwan,
and to some extent, Japan . This phenomenon saw the more open-minded
and runaway members of
the Cina group defect into Ah Bengs and its
feminine equivalent, Ah Lian. They just took their Alan Tam and Anita
Mui a little too Seriously.Perhaps the most made-fun-of group
not only by its own Chinese people but by people of other races, the Ah
Bengs are often seen as people living on the edge and have more
flamboyant tastes.One may identify the Ah Beng by these tell-tale signs:
1. Built-in visual self-defence mechanism that keeps people away from them.
2. Have enough amplifiers in their one car to power speakers for six cars.
3. Hair not in their original colour.
4. Volume of voice is automatically five decibels higher than everyone else.
5.
Excessive use of the phrase "Kan Ni Na Bu Ciao Chee Bai". (Although, to
be fair, some members of the Regular group have been reported to use
the phrase on a daily basis as well.)
6. Once a fan of one of the following groups: Vengaboys, Dr Bombay, Aqua, or the Cheeky Girls.
7. Their Proton car does not look like a Proton car due to modifications.
8. For the Ah Lians, have at least one bag fashioned after a furry animal complete with the head.So, which one are you???
and my score is…
Regualr (also known as Bananas)
5 ½ / 6
Chee-na
3 / 9
Ah Beng
1 / 8
I’m happy to know that i’m a long way more from being positively identified as an Ah Beng though my ride is a bit beng-ish. Still, i’m only taking this as a laughing matter to brighten my too-dull-and-mundane-to-blog moments. :-p
